One Million Moms had Facebook page shut down due to possible false advertising.

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One Million Moms (or OMM for short) has had their facebook page closed down. Now there is speculation that the Moms have closed it down temporarily until the heat is off versus facebook actually closing it down. Either way if you need to go to a place to taunt or laugh at them go to onemillionmoms.com.

Why have the Moms left facebook. I believe it is due to false advertising. As of the writing of this there are only about 38,000 of these mothers which could be a violation of truth in advertising. They could have called themselves ‘almost a million moms’, or ‘getting to a million moms’.  Personally I would have called it ‘Big Pile of MILFS’ but that name is already taken by one of my favorite porno movies.

‘GIS’ for pile of milfs. (At least the only one that was considered ‘family friendly’)

The other possibility is all the flack they are apparently taking a lot of heat over the new J.C. Penny advert for Father’s Day. Seen here:

The Ad is showing two men happily playing with their children. It’s Father’s day, why wouldn’t you want to show a picture of fathers playing with their children to remind you what a father should be instead of that broken and distant mess on the couch polishing off his 3rd case of cheap beer while you walk quietly around the house hoping not to be noticed. Why can’t we just play catch dad? why? I’ve mowed the lawn twice this week already…sorry I digress.

I think the issue that the Nearly One Million Moms (NOMM for short which is what I will call them from now on untill I see a complete list proving one million.) have is the caption in the upper right hand corner of the picture:

“First Pals — What makes Dad so cool? He’s the swim coach, tent maker, best friend, bike fixer and hug giver –

all rolled into one. Or two.

Real-life dads Todd Koch and Cooper Smith with their children Claire and Mason.”

A swim coach, tent maker, best friend, bike fixer and hug giver? And you get two of them? Sign me up! I couldn’t get dad to teach me how to ride a bike let alone fix the damn thing when it broke.

Thanks for the bike dad…

This is pretty much the NOMM’s mission. To shut down anything they can consider offensive. They did a similar boycott when J.C. Penny had Ellen Degeneres as a spokesperson. Angered that she was openly gay, NOMM has had all their members write “REFUSED…RETURN TO SENDER.” on any advertising an booklets that they get from J.C. Penny.

There are so many better reasons

to hate Ellen, gay is not one of them.

Which is costing the US Postal Service a lot of money. Look at if as a fiscal sort of way. If NOMM sends back any mailers from J.C. Penny that were sent at first class bulk mailing post, which means a return to sender gets sent back to the post office and discarded by the post office. Which is costing the US postal service money. If J.C. Penny sends out 12 monthly flyers at $1.50 and one yearly catalog at $5.00 and all 38,000 NOMMs are making the post office pick that back up at their cost then over a year the NOMMs are costing the us taxpayer roughly 3 million dollars a year. And that is if their NOMM numbers are the estimated 38,000. If they truly are in the millions then it’s closer to $ 78 million a year. These mothers are costing me money! Someone get the Tea-Party on the phone. They should know about this!

Grandma, Jesus is not picking up

an elderly hooker in red pedal pushers.

No matter how big your sign is!

 This J.C. Penny is not the only target on on NOMMs list. Their victims include:

  • Jenny Craig and Dexatrim. Which tells me the moms have been doing a lot of OMM NOMM NOMM and feel bad about their weight.
  • Chuck E. Cheese. See reasoning above. Or for possible urine content in ball pit. Or for calling it a ball pit.
  • Celtrixa: The stretch mark removal cream: Because the ads were being shown on an MTV show called “Skins”. Good marketing if you ask me, but what do I know.
  • Wrigleys gum: Because of the slogan ‘Have your Dessert & Chew it too”. Due to it’s overt sexuality… Ladies, if you’re chewing something after pleasuring your man; make him go see a urologist!
  • Jiffy Lube: Because they call their 10 minute oil change a ‘Quickie’. Versus their other service: ‘Come to Jiffy Lube; we’ll grease you up and give you a rim job.’

I emplore you to go sign up with NOMM so you too can help them ‘restore the biblical foundations of morality in media, commerce, and government and receive timely emails for a call to action.’   

And tell them you want real biblical advertising.

  • Make Carnival Cruises put two of every animal on each trip.
  • Every episode of “Say yes to the dress” must give the ‘father in law to be’ Prima Nocta.
  • Finally all science questions on Jeoparday can only be answered with “What is because Jesus loves me?”

We’re coming for you Trebek! You smarmy heathen!

So until I  get my NOMM welcome package I’m going to take a trip back to my wasted youth and find copies of old J.C. Penny catalogs and do what all young men did before they discovered porn. And send some of those NOMMs one of these toys.

Hey NOMMs! My door is closed for a reason!

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