Mitt Romney and the Magic Underwear.

magicunderweartitle

Sooner or later Mitt Romney will understand what it is like the be a presidential candidate. With that, hopefully the realization that people are going to ask weird questions, dig into your background, and make a huge deal about things you have said or done. (*cough* Romney-care *cough*) Our current president, Barack Obama, has and still has his share of people giving him fun names like, NoBama, and Fart Bongo. The second one, although funny, I don’t understand where it originated.  All the Urban Dictionary has to say about it is:

A derogatory term used to refer to President Obama. It is a poorly constructed insult using two off-rhymes for his last name: Fart = O and bongo = bama.

I would like to point out, however, that there is a link from that page where you can ‘buy fartbongo mugs & shirts’. Capitalism, is there anything you cant do?  That being said I would rather have the beer stein with the angry dragon definition on it. But, I digress…

Not only has Obama been called odd, and humorous names on the internet, but he has also had an effigy of himself hung in a storefront, outside a house and by a ‘Christian pastor’.  Terry Jones, the same pastor who wanted to have a Koran Burning Day. (I never know what to bring on all these odd holidays. Are pork chops allowed?)

Stay Classy Terry Jones of Dove World Outreach.

Please do not go to his website and email gay porn links using his contact tab.

Or fax pictures from a  Fed Ex Kinkos.

That would be improper.

Mitt Romney, on the other hand, gets upset when you ask about Bain Capital, His Governorship, or his Religion. Well, what should we talk about then? How’s the weather on your planet Mr. Romney? Oh wait. Apparently asking about Mitt Planet, Kolob, is a question about his Religion.

The weather on Kolob is clear, with a slight chance of Venn Diagrams.

And no one would have ever thought of asking about or questioning Barack Obama’s Religion. That would be incredibly out of line and in poor taste.

No one would dare bring up Kenya, Islam, or question his lineage. Right?

Recently Cher got in trouble with the Mormons for Tweeting: 

I Feel if he doesn’t get all his DUCKS IN A ROW we’ll b forced 2 listen 2Uncaring Richy Rich! The whitest man in MAGIC UNDERWEAR in the WH. Her Tweet made 

Remember Cher? Married to Greg Alman, and Sonny Bono, Her daughter Chastity Had a sex change, (one or two papers may have mentioned it). Cher did that video where she straddled a battleship cannon while wearing a fishnet bodysuit. If anyone knows about ‘Magic Underwear’, it’s Cher!

Mormons who wear garments known as temple garments that are supposed to be worn “both day and night”; according to the LDS Handbook of Instructions. These garments are not to be removed to participate in anything that can be “reasonably done” while wearing the garment. Which may explain the over sized front pocket.

Like Kramer, Mormon men need the ‘secure packaging’. Their boys need a house Temple.

Catholics hierarchy wear funny hats and dresses, Orthodox Jews have funny rings of hair on the side of their heads, Muslims have weird outlooks on women and such, Buddhists wear odd robes, and Mormons wear ‘magic underwear’ see everyone’s religion equally dumb. Except for the neo-pagans. They don’t wear weird stuff.

What? This is how all level 80 Warlocks dress.

So if you are a member of a group that has weird (different than the social norm) beliefs:

  • Like god lives on a planet called Kolob.
  • A Jewish prophet took a detour to a then unknown land and told the indigenous peoples that he was the real embodiment of god.
  • You have to wear these ridiculous looking sets of underwear in order to hang out with us.
  • Our messiah was a guy from upstate New York who wanted multiple women so if we head to Utah we can do that but don’t ask me any questions about it.

People may have some questions. And since you are applying for the job of the most powerful person in the developed western world. You have to answer them and others. You also have to get use to being made fun of. Just ask any of the other non-elected presidential and vice-presidential candidates in the past 25 years.

Michael Dukakis

Bob Dole

Al Gore

John Kerry

John McCain

And Everyone’s Favorite:

Sarah.

A helpful idea for Mitt Romney. The rest of us in the great unwashed love to put people up on a pedestal for one reason. Because it is so much fun when they fall off. Now with the internet becoming the mainstay of how the average slob (see what I did there?) gets his or her daily dose of mis-information, anything you say, have said, done, haven’t done but can be shown in a photoshop of a picture of you and a set of magic underwear. Will now be sent to billions of users on a moments notice. So whatever you do… Don’t be careful. Say it. Do it. Even if you think it’s stupid. Elections aren’t about who has the best policies, or best ideas for the direction of the country, or even more intelligence. (G.W. Bush proved that). It’s who entertains the great unwashed for the longest period of time.

You ask me who was Nixon’s VP choice when he ran against Kennedy… I’d go to Wikipedia and find out, provided there isn’t a new video on you tube of a cat falling off a table or a dog humping a stuffed animal to the music of ‘The Spice Girls’ that I haven’t watched yet. But if you ask me who was McCain’s running mate in the 2008 elec… Palin. No wiki needed. Then I would go on to google image search to find all the funny pictures and videos I could.  Palin may have been a complete dingus and her idea’s completely half-baked. But at least she was entertaining. So at the first debate wear this:

And ask the guys from South Park to work on commercials for your Campaign. I guarantee if you use this clip, no one will forget you:

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